Hump Day Humor, Religion

I try to find humor in something everyday...

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember 
these four great religious truths: 

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. 
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 
3.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.


GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. 
She asked the class,

"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

 A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up.."


DID NOAH FISH? 
A Sunday school teacher asked,

"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"

 "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most 
quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 .

She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.

After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the

kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rick was

so nervous, when it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


UNANSWERED PRAYER 
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head

for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his 
messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.


BEING THANKFUL A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy,

"So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable.

 What does she say?

" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family  
member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, 
after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This
soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.

My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about 
all girls?"

Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"


SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's 
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When 
Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before 
eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.


THE BIBLE 
Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache.

When you open it, he collapses.

When he sees you reading it, he faints.

Let's read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting.

Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and never wake up.