Hump Day Humor, Moms

Who doesn't appreciate the humor children give us...

When a class of 2nd grade students were asked questions, "Why did God make Moms"

Why did God make mothers?

1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.  Mostly to clean the house..
3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.  We're related.
2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.  They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1.  His last name.
2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?
3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot
2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2.  Mom .  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1.  Mom S work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2.  Mom S know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4.  Mom S have magic, they make you feel better without medicine...
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1.  Mothers don't do spare time.
2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.
2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Hump Day Humor, Butt Dust

Just what is "Butt Dust"?

There is no music like the joyous laughter of a child......they laugh with their whole heart;

Those of you with children or grandchildren should enjoy these!

What, you ask, is 'Butt Dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!

JACK (age 3) was watching

his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? '

STEVEN (age 3)   hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY  (age 4)

had an ear ache and wanted a pain   killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.  Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4)   was drinking

juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough...'

DJ (age 4)  stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON  (age 5) was in his bedroom

looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married.  How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in   a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY(age 4)

was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy  looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad   read:   'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.'  Concerned, James asked:   'What happened to the flea?'

Kids say the darndest things...

The sermon I think this Mom will never forget...  

This particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward Heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without You, we are but dust...'  He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her  shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Why Kids Need Pets

Some great shots of kids with pets and why kids need them..

To watch cartoons with

 To yell at the neighbor's cat with

 To clean their face when mom's not around

 To use as a couch pillow

 To sit on and read

 To make a large sofa cozy

 To use as a blankie when theirs is in the wash

 To play staring games with

 To keep from rolling off the sofa

 To shade their eyes

 To hold the binky while they nap

 To read funny stories to

 As a step stool to get those forbidden cookies

 To sun bathe with

And to thank heaven for each other... 

Good Guys Fall 1st, Kids

I always see so many creative combination stroller/wagon/mini-car replica or other

child/merchandise haulers at the car shows, they just keep getting better...KUDO's

Hump Day Humor, A Child's View

Not my usual, but cute..

Dear God,  Please send clothes for all those poor women on 

Grandpa's computer.  Amen

Kids and Matches

The SDFD has this horse on display at their Main Dispatch building on Kearny Villa Rd.

Caused by a child playing with matches....baaaad combination...

Just a little reminder as the holidays approach, extra care is needed.

More Hump Day Humor, 1st Graders

 A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.	Don't change horses	until they stop running.
2.	Strike while the	bug is close.
3.	It's always darkest before	Daylight Saving Time.
4.	Never underestimate the power of	termites.
5.	You can lead a horse to water but	how?
6.	Don't bite the hand that	looks dirty.
7.	No news is	impossible.
8.	A miss is as good as a	Mr.
9.	You can't teach an old dog new	math.
10.	If you lie down with dogs, you'll	stink in the morning.
11.	Love all, trust	me.
12.	The pen is mightier than the	pigs.
13.	An idle mind is	the best way to relax.
14.	Where there's smoke there's	pollution.
15.	Happy the bride who	gets all the presents.
16.	A penny saved is	not much.
17.	Two's company, three's	the Musketeers.
18.	Don't put off till tomorrow what	you put on to go to bed.
19.	Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and	you have to blow your nose.
20.	There are none so blind as	Stevie Wonder.
21.	Children should be seen and not	spanked or grounded.
22.	If at first you don't succeed	get new batteries.
23.	You get out of something only what you	see in the picture on the box.
24.	When the blind lead the blind	get out of the way.
25.	A bird in the hand	is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.	Better late than	pregnant.