The New Alphabet

Now The  

Alphabet:  

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains,perhaps car-d-iac?  

D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.  

 H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow! 

 P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two. 

 S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know. 

 W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind! 

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,  and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!  

Hump Day Humor, Age Old Sayings

I can so identify with some of these, if not all...

Gentle Thoughts for Today

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight. 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. (How true!)

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement..

He who hesitates is probably right. 

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL." 

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame. 

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs." 

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra 

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, or leaks. 

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. 

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. 

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!

Hump Day Humor, I'm Old

Have no fear my mature friends...time stops for no one...NO ONE!

 Everyone suffers changes over the years....

Val Kilmer

 Mickey Rourke

 Brendon Frasier

 Russel Crowe

 Alec Baldwin

 Richard Gere

 Roger Moore

 Da Gahvenator

 Pierce Brosnan

 Clint Eastwood

 Rod Stewart

Hope you are feeling better now....or at least smiling

Hump Day Humor, Perks of Age

Sent to me in email and just had to share...

Someone had to remind me,

so I'm reminding you, too.

Don't laugh.... It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50

or being over 60

And heading towards 

70 or beyond! 

01. 

Kidnappers are not very

interested in you.

02. 

In a hostage situation,

you are likely to be released first.

03. 

No one expects you to run -- 

anywhere.

04. 

People call at 9 PM (or 9 A M) and ask,

'Did I wake you?

05. 

People no longer view you

as a hypochondriac.

06. 

There is nothing left

to learn the hard way.

07. 

Things you buy now

won't wear out.

08. 

You can eat

supper at 4 PM.

09... 

You can live without sex

but not your glasses.

10. 

You get into heated arguments

about pension plans.

11. 

You no longer think of

speed limits as a challenge.

12. 

You quit trying to hold

your stomach in no matter

who walks into the room.

13. 

You sing along

with elevator music.

14. 

Your eyes won't get

much worse.

15.

Your investment in health insurance

is finally beginning to pay off. 

16. 

Your joints are more accurate

meteorologists than the

national weather service.

17. 

Your secrets are safe with your

friends because they can't

remember them either.

18. 

Your supply of brain cells is finally

down to a manageable size.

19. 

You can't remember

who sent you this list. 

And you notice these

are all in big print for

your convenience.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Never, NEVER, NEVER, 

under any circumstances,

take a sleeping pill, and

a laxative on the same night!

Hump Day Humor, Aging

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me - then my forwarding it will be worth the effort.Walk with me by the water - worth the read...


A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER:

Shit!

I forgot the words...