Hump Day Humor, Age Old Sayings

I can so identify with some of these, if not all...

Gentle Thoughts for Today

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight. 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. (How true!)

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement..

He who hesitates is probably right. 

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL." 

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame. 

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs." 

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra 

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, or leaks. 

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. 

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. 

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!

Hump Day Humor, A Puzzlement

 Points to ponder:
 
 1) Sometimes I look down at my watch three consecutive times and still do not know what time it is.

 2) Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you are wrong.

 3) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

 4) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
 5) How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 6) Was learning cursive really necessary?

 7) MapQuest really needs to start its directions on No. 5. I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

 9) Bad decisions make good stories.

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going    to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


11) Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...  again.


12) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.


13) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



14) I wish Google Maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option.

15) I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


16) How many times is it appropriate to say, "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


17) I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


18) Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

19) Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and pinning the tail on a donkey, but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

20) The first "cup," was used in the sport of hockey beginning in 1874 and the helmet was used beginning in 1974. That means that it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brains are also important.