Mathilda is 94 years young and I hope I do as well as she has at 80...
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
The New Alphabet
Now The 
Alphabet:
A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains,perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tribute to Soldiers
A friend sent this to me and I found it very poignant. But untrue.
Per Snopes, this bike was abandoned in 1954 by a local boy who had received it as a donation after the family homed burned down. He didn't like the bike because it had hard solid rubber tires and tiny handlebars like a trike, so he simply left it next to the tree and unknown persons moved it into an upper limb where the tree consumed it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Epic Car Damage by Valet
Next time you decide to valet your vehicle, remember this....via Elite News
As the website reports, the value of the Porsche, if authentic, could be worth as much as $200,000; tallies on the Grand Cherokee, GranTurismo S and Mini Cooper Countryman S come in at approximately $30,000, $120,000 and $28,000, respectively.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hump Day Humor, Cat Sleep
1. The Full Situp
To achieve the full situp, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs
To achieve the full situp, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs
and promptly fall asleep midway through the task. This position is extremely advanced
and not recommended for amateur sleepers.
2. The Awkward Spoon
The goal here is not so much intimacy as it is the socially uncomfortable sharing of a
physical space with someone. Bonus points if your arm falls asleep but you're too
embarrassed to move it.
Tuck your tail between your legs and imagine that you are an omelet.
The trick is to look like someone who is acting comfortable whilst also appearing
extremely uncomfortable. Let's take this excellent opportunity to coin the term "meta-comfortable."
You will need a partner for this one. The goal is not so much comfort as an expression of sheer, unadulterated greed.
Any old box will do, but two of your feet - preferably on opposite sides of your body -
must remain outside the container at all times.
Do not even attempt unless you have tiny, tiny, precious little legs.
Find a baby. Imitate the baby.
For this, you will need at least three friends who are not averse to your sleeping on them.
10. The Full-Box
Just get your whole damn body in there no matter what it takes. Be the box.
Just because you are obviously some kind of gin-addled hobo doesn't mean you can't be nice and warm.
Find a dog. Imitate the dog.
Bury your furry little head in your paws and try to look as contemplative and
bookish as possible before drifting off.
Measure the floor with every inch of your tiny body.
The whole world is your hammock.
Imagine that you are a wet T-shirt, fresh from the washing machine. Drape yourself accordingly.
Think of yourself as a last-minute fruit salad that everyone will be very polite about
but probably not enjoy all that much.
Head to the ground, paws in the air - let gravity do the rest.
For this one you will need first to find two willing conformists.
Only recommended for individuals with extreme forms of narcolepsy.
Have a friend or loved one take you apart and put you back together haphazardly inside a box.
22. The Bag Of Limbs (Couch Edition)
Same as above, except (obviously) without the box.
Not a bed for dogs, but a bed that is made of dogs. I.e., the most comfortable bed
you will ever sleep on that also smells kind of funky.
Fall asleep on the job. LOL.
Don't be afraid to snore.
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